What Works for Me

I've taken notice of how people speak to one another on social media. I'm a member of many mom/parenting/community groups and have mostly enjoyed partaking in these conversations. There is definitely some bullying going on. There are people lifting one another up, too. But wow, we can certainly be quick to judge one another!

Here's what I intend to do. When someone poses a question, I don't say things like "you should," or "why wouldn't you?" Because who am I to point the finger? I don't know what their life is like. However, they are looking for tips, advice, validation, and perspective. So I start with this phrase: "What works for me is..."

An example of how I've used this.

Question: "I'm 36 weeks pregnant and miserable. How did you mommas naturally induce labor...help!" My response: "I feel your pain, momma. I remember being 36 weeks pregnant and wondering when am I going to have this baby?!? What worked for me is thinking of the last four weeks as time to enjoy this stage of my life, because it's going to change in a way that I can't even fathom. It was easy to get caught up in my own anxiety but I had to consciously choose sanity, mindfulness and excitement. Hope you find some peace in this, best of luck!"

Other responses she was given were the old wives tales, "eat something spicy, long walks, stairs, etc. etc., along with "don't rush it, you want your baby to be full-term", etc. etc. I don't know about that mom, but those comments gave me anxiety. What if my baby did come early? What if I try all of those things and they don't work? The questions and lack of connection to that mom were rising by the minute. To the credit of the comments, however, when there is an open question of advice, people are ready to hit the ground running with answers.

For me, coming at it from a place of compassion, empathy, and non-judgment starts with "what works for me." You can't argue with what worked for me, I'm not judging you if it doesn't work for you.

I encourage you to try this approach or one similar when talking to friends, peers or others, especially in a desensitized setting like social media. But after all, that's just what works for me ;)