Stop Saying This Phrase to Your Teen Girl

“Back in my day….”

Parents, this does NOT apply to our kids today. So please stop saying it. So many of my (teenage girl) clients say this is one of the most common phrases their parents say to them, causing them to disconnect even more.

Gen Z’ers (born 1996-2009) are said to have a shorter attention span than that of older generations. This is important because we only have a short opportunity to grab their minds, we need to fill that time thoughtfully!

I get why we say this old phrase to our kids. It is our way of empathizing, or rather, getting them to empathize with us. If you want to connect with your teen, try using phrases like:

(the obvious ones) “I love you.” “I believe in you…” You already know this. And if you don’t, let’s have a bigger conversation, please.

But how about really speaking to them?

“I want to understand what you’re going through, walk me through your day.”

“I’m your mom/dad, I/we want to connect with you. How can I/we do this?”

When in doubt think of ONE open ended question. You know she doesn’t want to be "grilled" all day. Too many questions may overwhelm her. However, one thoughtful question (even if you already know the answer or don’t necessarily care to know) sends the message that you want to hear from her. You approach the conversation in a non-judgmental, non-assuming way, that sets a tone for FUTURE communication. Like anything else, it’s a process.

You got this. Everything you need is within you. I can help with some tips along the way, but seriously, you can be the amazing parent that you want to be. Just remember, their perception is through their experience, not yours. If you must talk about “back in your day,” preface it with, “I know our lives are different, but this reminds me of a time that I experienced _____.”

If all else fails, just remember our parents did not have blogs to read for help back in their day. See the perspective shift I just gave you? Bam!