How do you know when it’s time to stop going to therapy? Does the client or counselor initiate this conversation? Is it a feeling? Is it based on accomplishment of goals?
How? When? Who? What?!?!
Let’s break it down.
I’ll start with the ethical guidelines first:
Termination (what a negative connotation, right?) of the client/counselor relationship can occur
based on the following reasons:
· The counselor is no longer a fit for the client’s needs
· The client has met all discussed goals
· The counselor is no longer of help to the client
· Other reasons (i.e. the counselor’s life changes, client doesn’t pay, etc.)
For any of these above reasons, it is the counselor’s responsibility to safeguard the client’s next course of action (i.e. referral sources or plan for future care if needed).
Now that we got the ethical stuff out there, let’s talk about the reality of it all.
When clients come to me with clear goals such as: help with relationship boundaries, finding a new job, getting clarity for direction in life, losing weight, ending unhealthy relationships, etc., we can sometimes clearly tell when those things have been accomplished. (You get the job, you are managing your relationships better, etc.). However, many clients want support, validation and ongoing work in their life. How does one measure that? Not so clearly.
In my practice, here’s what I see clients do:
1. Decide (together with myself) that they have met their goals and it’s time to stop therapy altogether.
2. Choose to continue having sessions on a regular basis but spaced longer apart such as a month or even 6 weeks.
3. Feel on the fence about either option and leaves it open-ended, meaning they are feeling comfortable with not having the next appointment on the calendar but also like knowing they can call and start back up at any time.
As a counselor and coach, which option do I prefer?
It does not matter to me at all. Ok, that’s a little stretch, I love my clients, I wish I could talk to all of
them every week. So it’s actually one of the hardest parts of my job. But also the MOST rewarding. Such a catch 22 for me. I will absolutely celebrate the success with my clients by telling them they can “graduate” from therapy, but I usually also leave the option on the table to call me if you need me. In addition, I love to stay connected to my clients after we discontinue services. I love seeing how their work plays out later in life & continue to celebrate their growth in their beautiful lives. So it doesn’t matter to me, YOU are the client and it’s your life that you are trying to improve. However, on behalf of all counselors…please don’t ghost us. Even if the conversation is really hard (i.e. like “you aren’t helping me,” or “I don’t think our personalities click,” etc.). We worry and wonder about you!
Signs that it might be time to stop therapy
1. You just aren’t feeling it. You know how you once felt in therapy (hopeful, happier, lighter, excited, curious, etc.) but you aren’t getting that anymore.
2. You have lost trust in your counselor. Red flag, people, move on! There’s no way you’ll grow if you can’t fully open up and there is no way you’re sharing things with someone you don’t trust.
3. Schedules are no longer aligning. Your counselor will probably have schedule changes from time to time, based on season, life changes, and how busy their practice may become. Your schedule changes too sometimes. If it’s becoming a hassle to find regular time to meet, your counselor may no longer be able to best serve you.
4. You have that feeling that you no longer need to be there. Trust your gut, you probably don’t!
Ways to initiate termination from the client side:
Again, your counselor really should be the one to bring it up, however you know what you need better than anyone else. Should you decide to address this, here are a few tips:
1. Ask them at the beginning of the session if you can talk about your progress and come up with a plan together to exit therapy.
2. Email them and ask for their expert opinion of how much longer they think you’ll need therapy-hopefully this should align with how you feel. If it’s super off (i.e. they say another 6 months), you’ll probably know what to do next 😉.
3. Things you can say in session, email, or text:
a. I think I’ve reached my goals for therapy and ready to end
b. My goals have changed and I’m going to look for another therapist (let them help you with referrals
c. I’m grateful for our time together, but I’m going to move on (they should wish you well and offer to assist in the future, but red flag if they press you for further explanation).
d. Just ask. Tell them how you feel and ask for advice or their opinion, or what “most clients” do in this situation.
So…where are you at? What do you think you need to do with your own counselor relationship?
We can all benefit from counseling, especially if we find someone we really click with. Having a counselor that we can verbally process with, share our struggles and accomplishments can help us feel a little more level-headed, clear, and less alone. If you’ve been considering some of these options, I would encourage you to have a very open conversation with your counselor. It’s an absolute bonus if your counselor brings this up to you early on in sessions (it helps cut out any awkwardness for the client if the counselor has already addressed this). If you’re not quite up for this whole “termination” talk just yet, try adding a week in between sessions to see how that feels. See how you feel and show up at that next session- it can be a really helpful indicator of how to move forward.
Disclaimer: I am a coach and person-centered therapist. There are absolutely types of therapy that require a certain amount of sessions. Ending therapy too early could cause more harm than good. That’s not necessarily how I operate, so I can’t speak to that too much.